Week 18 (9/25-10/1)

This has been a tough week for me. Hov left on Saturday (9/28) to Miami to start his job. He was at home during the week last week which was lovely since I got to spend a lot of time with him as soon as I got home. He had dinner waiting for me just about every night and I adored it. Friday night we went out to celebrate our friend Brooke's birthday and then Saturday we packed him up and he left. It was so surreal. It didn't feel like he was going anywhere all week, and even as we were packing his things it didn't really feel like he was leaving. It wasn't until it was all packed and we looked at each other to say goodbye that the tears started flowing on both ends. All his clothes fit in his car and really that's all he had to take, I stocked him up with toiletries and dried goods to eat but since he moved into his dad's house it was a relatively easy move I suppose. Archie sat by the door for hours, totally understand little guy...

 As far as the baby goes, lots of movement. Doesn't feel like what I thought it would feel. I mean I don't feel kicks like a bump inside or anything, it's more like a rolling around feeling that is happening. Kind of weird but nice at the same time. The belly is coming along more and more. Officially have gained 4 pounds since getting pregnant. None of my bras fit anymore but I'm trying to not buy anything so the soft yoga-ish type sports bras have been nice but those are getting pretty small too.

This week the baby is the size of a sweet potato and he/she is yawning, hiccuping, sucking and swallowing already. I have the next appointment with the big ultrasound next Monday the 7th. I'm kind of nervous, last ultrasound they told me the baby was small and that's why they changed the due date. I hope that's all it was and it isn't an issue but they said they wouldn't know until this one where they do all the measurements. I still don't want to know the sex so hopefully they'll be able to keep that a secret without too much trouble. My dad is flying in on Saturday to come to the appointment. Having some company is really nice but it's not the same as having my husband there. At least with my dad there I can have him take video so we can send it to Hov as soon as it happens.

In other good news, my wedding band finally came in. it actually came the day before Hov left which for some reason made me feel a lot better. I love love love how it looks.

 I tried to get a close-up but it got blurry, and my hands look super wrinkly. Anyway, I'm really happy with it and I'm really glad it got here before Hov left. Also, today we send out the first batch of pregnancy announcements. We addressed as many as we could and I'll take them to the post office today. I'm still waiting on a bunch of addresses to send to the rest of the people we want to send to. Trying to get addresses from my family is like pulling teeth. The last thing that is left for me to do to finish up is go change my name. I think I'll do that next week since I have to take the day off for all these appointments anyway. Social security office here I come!!

Now that Hov isn't here, I'll be spending my nights trying to be as productive as possible writing my dissertation to get out of this god forsaken program. I'm so ready to leave.

Week 17 (9/18-9/24)

I have been very easily angered this week... Hovik finishing some food item of mine that I went out of my way to buy and not replacing it or letting me know he finished it almost led to his death. The item in question is my milk. We buy almond milk at Costco (3 half gallons) and always have it on hand since he makes shakes quite frequently. I get on a chocolate milk kick so I go out of my way to get lactose free milk at the store and have a glass of milk for breakfast every morning. The other day I go to make some chocolate milk and look what I find but no milk. It doesn't bother me that he used the milk, he's my husband and consumes 97% of what we purchase anyway- it bothers me that he didn't replace it or at least tell me that he used it all knowing that I use it all the time. So I buy more of my milk and have my chocolate milk again. He leaves super early this morning to the gym so I wake up to an empty bed but when I text him he lets me know he's there and all is fine. I get up and make some breakfast and Archie is scratching to be let in so I go to open the door and Hov is standing right there trying to unlock the back door which of course makes me scream because I go to open the back door for my 15lb dog and there is a man standing there. He shoots me a look like I'm crazy and tells me he took the garbage can to the back yard and was trying to just come in from the back. Then he goes to make a shake and grabs my milk to make it. Same man who was using water a week ago because he didn't want the extra calories and didn't care what he used, all of a sudden he's using my milk instead of the 3 half-gallons of almond milk. When I ask him why he's wasting my milk in his shake instead of the almond milk he goes on about how it's about the dairy vs almond which is 100% bullshit, he's the one who wanted to switch to almond in the beginning to avoid the dairy. The real reason is probably because it was the first carton he saw in the fridge and couldn't be bothered to reach for a different one. I wouldn't have cared at all if I knew he would replace the milk once he finished it but I already know how this story is going to end. In conclusion, I've been plotting his death all morning.

I think it's pretty clear from the milk situation that things escalate in my mind very rapidly lately. I'm trying to not be so crazy.  I at least can recognize that I have these crazy moments even though I can't stop them when they are happening. It's almost like an out of body experience- I can rationally see as it's happening that I'm not being rational or even if the point started out rationally the rage takes over immediately. To try to avoid a situation like this again, we went to the store today and bought two half gallons of milk so we wouldn't have any more issues and of course he apologized for the other day although I'm not really sure he knew why he was apologizing.

This week the baby is the size of a turnip or an onion or the palm of my hand depending what ap I look at. I think I feel some kicks but I can't tell if it's just gas or not. I think some are kicks. It sort of feels like I have a little cement mixer in my belly sometimes. I had to finally bust out the belly band thing so I could continue to wear my jeans. It basically acts like  sleeve so I can have my buttons unbuttoned without my pants falling down or anyone knowing I have them unbuttoned. Kudos to my girlfriend Brooke for this wonderful gift. It was the first one we got when we found out we were expecting.

I feel and look like a sausage. My belly is so big, boobs too. You can't really tell from the pictures but I'm spilling out of all my bras and have to double up on shirts. Now, I'm more frequently wearing an undershirt or cami under whatever loose shirt I have to try and tame the beasts. I keep thinking the belly is going to go down like it's due to a big meal or something. It's not. I have officially gained weight. Up until the last doctor visit (on the 10th) I hadn't gained a single ounce. I weighed myself at the gym today and have gained 3 pounds. I need to be careful at that pace. Last few days I've been a little more watchful of what I eat but this past weekend was crazy. I'm going to try and keep it in check though, it'll be easier when Hov isn't here to run out and get me whatever I want since I probably won't want to go and do it myself.

Hov's job start date got pushed back a week so I get him for a week extra which makes me happy. He moves in with his dad since his brother moved out and I'll go visit a couple times until December when I can move down. We decided it would be easier to just deliver down there so even though I'm not happy about switching doctors I need to start interviewing some. I still have to come back up a couple times next semester to check in and then after the baby comes to get things ready for graduation and whatnot. We'll see how that goes.

Because Hov's date got pushed back a week he's had this week off. It's been really nice coming home to him already here and most days he's had dinner ready which is fantastic because I'm usually ready to rage by the time I walk in the door. I seriously wouldn't mind having him be a house husband. I texted him earlier that I wanted Cami's Seashell shrimp pasta which is something that would be impossible since they closed years ago and even if they hadn't they were located in Miami and what does he do but make it at home. So sweet. Not to mention it was really tasty.

In addition to today's shrimp pasta bit this week my food craving has been burgers. I have never in my life craved a burger until now. Can't get enough. I also really want a soft pretzel... Not sure where I can get one in town but I need to find one, or maybe I'll just make some. Chocolate milk has also been very consistent. I can't get enough chocolate milk. It's heaven.

I started organizing my papers so I can get a jump on writing my dissertation. It's daunting and this is only scratching the surface. I took over the table in lab and that's only for the intro.

I get two more days with Hov. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't heartbroken. I know it's only for a couple months but ughh I really don't want to be away from him. Not only that- him going down makes the move to Miami real and the dread of it happening has been increasing exponentially. I would really prefer if we just stayed up here. Oh well, we make sacrifices for those we love and in this case, having family around the baby takes priority over our comfort in Tallahassee.

Week 16 (9/11-9/17)

This week has started off pretty well, I had a doctor's visit and met with the midwife who was fantastic. She put the little heart rate monitor on and we got to hear the heartbeat and every so often there would be a loud thud and she said those were kicks. Looks like baby is pretty active. I still haven't gained any weight but boy does this body look different. Belly is getting bigger for sure. I haven't been going to the gym this past week only because I've been so exhausted from my erratic sleep schedule. She says I can take Melatonin, Benadryl or  Tylenol PM with no problem. Let's see if this works itself out.

I haven't been craving Mexican food as much but I have been wanting grilled wings and BBQ. My snack of choice is Angie's kettle corn. If you don't know about Angie's- go to Costco and buy that yellow bag, it'll be the best decision you make. The baby is supposed to get to be the size of an avocado this week so that's exciting. Also the midwife said that I should be able to feel the baby move soon. She described it as fluttering but the only feelings I have so far are related to hunger or gas. Not quite the magical pregnancy feelings you'd like to feel but hopefully soon I'll get them.

Chocolate milk... Now, I'm not a big chocolate fan but I can't get enough chocolate milk. I don't make it too dark, at all. It's more like chocolate-light but I haven't had regular milk in so long, we usually drink almond milk, that when I splurged and bought a half gallon of lactose free (I'm not that mean to Hov) fat free milk I didn't hold back.  Sooooo good.

I convinced Hov this past weekend that I needed a few dresses for the belly. At the time I'd say that excuse was about 50% bull... but this week has proved that it was actually necessary. My pants and shorts struggle to button and I've worn a dress every day this week. Not to mention the Tallahassee heat makes it nice to not have to wear pants- better air circulation. The only strange thing is the belly is in this weird in-between state where you can't tell if I'm just fat or pregs, we'll see how long it takes before it becomes an official belly and not just a larger than normal pooch. I sent this picture to my grandmother who asked me if it was all the food I had been eating and not the baby... it's possible... it's possible. Hispanic grandmothers keep it real. I'm going to have a lot of work ahead of me once the baby comes out if that's the case. The only comfort I have is I haven't gained any weight, I've only grown which I guess is a comfort but I also don't know. I could just rapidly be converting muscle to fat which would be no bueno.

 

On Friday Hov and I decided to go to the courthouse and get a marriage license. We are officially Mr. and Mrs. and I am really happy. Really happy. Now, it wasn't what either of us would consider our "official" wedding. That'll happen when we have the whole ceremony/reception with all our family and friends. We tried to shotgun it and plan for before I got big but there was no way with our budget that it would have worked so we decided to postpone the celebrations until after the baby comes. Having said that, it was really important to me that we be a unit before the baby gets here. Not only for medical reasons but I wanted to be an official family, with all our last names matching and not having to constantly correct people when they automatically said husband etc, that and we just wanted to. It was a big risk not telling people we were doing it beforehand. We knew there was a possibility of some feelings getting hurt. Having said that, we didn't tell anyone. We have been getting so many opinions over the last few weeks it's been pretty stressful and we wanted a decision that was ours and ours only with no one else's input that we did because we wanted to. I let my family know after the fact and so did he and I will be looking forward to celebrating officially with them next year once we save enough to have a proper reception. Meanwhile, it was only the clerk lady who did the officiating and us. She snapped a picture after the fact.

I have to say it was still a pretty emotional experience even though it was a very official setting with a perfect stranger standing in front of us. This is something that should have happened a long time ago. I am so blessed and could not be more thankful that my love and I finally got to have our day. It will be even better once we have that day with all our loved ones around us, and we can party after. We both had to go to work after which was sort of a buzz kill but hey- life happens right? At least now if something happens to either of us we can take comfort in knowing that the person making the decisions is the person who knows us the best in this world. Also, if I ever am accused of committing a crime he doesn't have to answer anything which is good to know I suppose.

*As an aside- I have been asked if us wearing pink is any indicator of the gender of the baby. The answer is no, it was pure coincidence. We have no idea what the baby is and we don't want to know until D-Day.

Even though I was at work all day after the nuptuals (other than lunch) I have felt so calm and at peace. I know this may not have been the ideal decision for our family since they weren't there with us but I know in my heart this was the decision that was best for us. On Saturday we will have a little gathering but not necessarily as a celebration for us, we will have a BBQ in Hovik's honor since he will be moving down to Miami next weekend. I plan on cooking everything Friday night since the house turns into an inferno when the oven is on during the day and we are going to have quite a few people over. Pulled pork and wings are the stars on the menu with a nod to my mother with my attempt at copying her broccoli cheese casserole. I bought two boxes of crackers in case anyone is wondering since we all know that is the best part. Since I can't drink, we don't really drink that often anyway and we are trying to lighten things up for when we move, I have decided that instead of purchasing beer for everyone I will attempt to make the funkiest of hunch punches ever with as many things I have in my hutch as possible. This includes (but is not limited to) peach schnapps, everclear, and blue curacao. I'm not sure how it'll go but we'll see. We do have a couple extra rooms and some couches for those people who don't need to be driving. Safety is #1.

The BBQ was a lot of fun. It was great to gather with our friends and what made it even more special is our good friends Brooke & Aaron Druliner and Brittany Sexton surprised us with the most amazing cake and flowers. I was so surprised but then not surprised because Brooke is probably the most DIY creative person I know. The cake was GORGEOUS, I absolutely loved it and not to mention it was delicious too. It was perfect with the white, purple and green. Those were the original colors we had picked out and I still love them. Purple is my color. The hydrangeas on top were amazing and the orchids just set it off so nicely. There were more hydrangeas on each cupcake and it really looked like it was totally professional. She is amazingly talented. I loved the rustic buttercream. It kind of turned the going away BBQ into a BBQ/wedding mini post celebration. It was very casual but there was plenty of wine flowing and tons of food.

 Brooke, myself and Brittany posing with the gorgeous cake. I didn't want to cut into it, it was so pretty.

 Hov and I with the masterpiece before we cut into it.

 Cutting into it, don't mind Katrina in the background.

 The sweetest kiss of my life.

We did do a little cake cutting which was the only wedding-ish celebratory thing we have done. It was pretty special to share that with our friends up here. All the food we made in disposable tins and all the plates/cups/cutlery was disposable too. Best decision ever. Cleaning up took literally five minutes. No waking up to a kitchen full of dirty dishes. Everyone wanted to know about the details of the move which is understandable but we probably just should have made a powerpoint or an official announcement or something because Hov was a bit of a broken record with it all.

The next few days will be spent cleaning out the garage, taking things to goodwill and getting Hov ready for the move next Saturday. He will be moving in with his dad so at least he'll feel comfortable where he's staying. I really hope this job ends up being all that he wants it to be, it breaks my heart to think that he could end up hating it and then be stuck there. We'll see, he starts on the 23rd.

The one negative thing I have found is my patience and tolerance for things has gone down the drain. Things bother me more than normal and getting annoyed takes next to nothing. I have to constantly check in with someone to see if my reaction would be considered "normal" or "hormonal", things have been leaning more towards hormonal lately but I can't help it. This is especially true when it comes to people's opinions about my life/the baby/our nuptials. If you are not an active member in my life, you get no opinion... even if you are, your opinion will be solicited if desired. I don't care if my decisions make you mad/happy/sad, especially if you are practically a stranger to me- I didn't make them for you, I made them for me. I think it's beyond irritating (and hilarious) that people who haven't even made an attempt to contact me in years, much less since finding out I'm pregnant/married, feel like they get to have an opinion about things. Hov tells me to just let it go and it doesn't matter, I know he's right but it still annoys me to no end. UGH! Ok, end of rant.

Final picture of the week: Baby is the size of an avocado, notice in the picture I totally disregarded the second "a" in that word making it "avocdo". I have no idea what happened. I think this is the first piece of concrete evidence indicating that pregnancy brain is starting to creep in. This week the baby developed more of its inner ear allowing it to start hearing our voices which is very exciting.

Week 15 (9/4-9/10)

Still processing Hov moving so soon and me being alone. We're still figuring out the living situation.  We have to figure out what to do with the house up here. We'll try to rent it but who knows if it'll happen. Time to start selling everything and just keep the very basics for storage. I feel so unsettled now and that's the worst feeling- seriously no nesting going to happen. Our house up here is perfect. We would have a room for the nursery and a guest room and plenty of living space. In Miami we'll have one room in a family member's house or a small apartment to squish in with a screaming baby and a retarded Schnauzer. My mom has offered her house which is so sweet but she's two hours north of where we need to be and his dad's house is currently full- no room at the inn. If we can rent the house out then we can afford to rent a little apartment and it wouldn't be too terrible. The problem comes if we can't rent the house, in that scenario we can't afford to carry the mortgage AND pay rent on an apartment. Until I move down (which would be the earliest in December) he's going to make do wherever even if it's on his dad's couch. Once I move down we have to have a plan.

After talking to my PI and contacting a property manager I feel a little better. It's certainly not the ideal situation but it's the best for everyone involved. My PI has given me the green light to semi-commute. I can spend most my time in Miami if necessary as long as I can come back when needed for meetings. I contacted a property manager who is coming Saturday morning to take a look at the house and get things in order to rent it out starting in January. The plan is to rent the house out and then sublease a little place for Spring semester only. I figure even if it's a tiny 1/1, it'll be fine that way I have a place to stay when I come up and also once the baby comes. Hov and I agreed that once I get too big/uncomfortable to be traveling back and forth I would stay in Miami and have the baby there. Until January he'll be with his dad but starting in January we'll be getting  a little place down in Miami so we have our own space. We ran the numbers and it looks like it'll work out.. Looks like it's happening. I'm not too happy I have to change doctors and will be giving birth in Miami. Not sure why but having the baby in Miami really doesn't sit super well. The cesarean rates are off the charts down there it makes me wonder what's going on... After the baby comes I'll have a month more in Miami before I have to go up for the end of the semester and defending. Once the semester ends we go back down for good.

That's certainly a lot to take in but seems like the best option for us to be together during the pregnancy as much as possible, his ability to take the job and also my ability to stay on track with school. Of course a hundred things could go wrong but for now that's the idea.

After a jam packed week I came home on Thursday to the best surprise ever. So of course it started with my key getting stuck in the door which has been happening a lot and so I was literally cursing as I was opening the door and then I saw the trail of rose petals and candles... Of course that stopped me mid "f*ing KEY!!!" curse. I followed the petals down the hallway to see my love on his knees (on a couch pillow lol) where he of course proceeded to tell me how much he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life taking care of me etc. It was beautiful. After we have our sweet moment he then shows me that on top of it all he got me a box of doughnuts. Perfect ending! He jokingly said he had thought about holding a donut in one hand and a ring in the other- after seeing my face he said "don't worry babe I wouldn't have made you choose"... Am I that predictable? It's OK, that's when having two hands comes in handy ;). I wasn't sure if you could really appreciate it with/without flash so I put both options. My man is so sweet.

The property manager comes tomorrow at 10:30, that means today is a super spring cleaning/organizing day after work to make everything look nice and clean and Hov can get his sweat on mowing the lawn and whatnot. We are limited by our neighborhood but at the very least we can make everything else as presentable as possible. That's where all the sweat equity will hopefully pay off. Fingers crossed.

As if the end of this week couldn't get any better- today was the day I was supposed to pay my semester fees (roughly $940/semester) and I log on to put it on the credit card and cry when I notice that what I owe is only $440. Thinking this was a mistake I email the graduate student advisor person asking wtf was going on since I didn't want to be penalized later on. She told me to just pay it to avoid a late fee and she'd look into it. Well after a little searching I realize I had received a $500 grant which was automatically applied to the fees!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! $440 is certainly more manageable than $940 (although $0 would be best), that really was the cherry on top of my Friday. Hopefully the same thing will happen in the spring semester. :)

The belly is getting bigger by the day. This week the baby should be the size of a navel orange (or the size of my fist), I guess depending what website you use, the measurement references are a little different. I can't stop eating. I can't stop. Grilled chicken wings, pho, colombian food, etc. The list never ends and the credit cards keep swiping. I don't want to see the bill at the end of the month. I've also been craving Ace's Icees from the grove, no clue why but all things lemon-slushie are on my radar. I come home today and Hov is squeezing fresh lemon juice to make me a slushie. I could definitely get used to this pregnancy spoiling. Please forgive my appearance in this picture- I've stopped caring about make-up (not that it was a priority to begin with) and have turned my attention to food full time... I thought about superimposing a happy face over mine but then I decided I don't have the energy to do that.

15 weeks pregnant, baby is the size of a navel orange, baby can wiggle his/her fingers + toes!

Tomorrow we have our next check-up, no ultrasound, just a regular check-in. For the next visit my dad will be here to video the ultrasound so we'll have a nice image from that one.

Week 14 (8/28-9/3)

This week has started off with mixed reviews...

On a positive note, Hov's interviews went really well. We'll see what they have to say but apparently the gentlemen were giving each other little looks throughout the interview and Hov was very proud of his performance as he should have been. I caught a glimpse of his interview "notes", a couple pages jam packed with questions for each interviewer and notes on the business itself and definitions of terms he didn't know. I have to be honest, I haven't seen him this involved and dare I say excited about a work related thing ever. I'm glad it went well. I truly am. Now we wait... UPDATE: Hov got the job! Our biggest hope and my biggest fear has been simultaneously realized. Yay? This is a great career move for him but he starts on the 23rd... In two weeks. That means I'm going to be by myself up here. I'm not looking forward to that and I am REALLY not looking forward to moving to Miami. I hate it there. Hate. Hate. Hate. Miami=stress. Why can't our family all just move up here? That would be so much better. Freaking Miami ruins my life.

On the downside- his car wouldn't turn on and of course we couldn't figure out where the battery came from so $130 later the old Mazda has a new battery. If we win the lottery first thing on the list is to get him a safe and reliable car. This whole living paycheck to paycheck thing isn't working out for me. I know I shouldn't complain, we are fortunate enough to be able to pay all our bills and have enough for gas and groceries and little wants here and there but the 1k in student fees every semester and any new thing that comes up just throws up for a loop. It's frustrating. Frustrating and scary, especially since this little monkey is coming soon. Grad school salary is not working for me. There comes another frustrating part of this week- trying to write and not be distracted. I am swimming in papers I need to reference and it's quite overwhelming.

My belly has popped out and won't go back in. I'm having issues. I'm feeling bloated and uncomfortable. I've been working out faithfully and I've been eating pretty well but I still feel like I just swallowed a tub of lard and washed it down with a bacon grease smoothie. Gross. I feel gross. Not to mention the acne is back. Yay. All this coupled with Tallahassee 1000 degree weather and I haven't been in a great mood. Walking from my car to the office or back makes me sweat which of course leads to a very interesting aroma by the end of the day. It wouldn't be so bad if I weren't so dang tired all the time but I'm perpetually exhausted. My insomnia has me up every morning like at 4am and of course that means by 5pm I'm dying for bed and it's a good day if I make it until 9:30-10 before crashing.

Officially a bump!

The saving grace has been Hov. He really has been clutch. Doesn't matter if I just want food or a punching bag, he's been there. I've still been on a taco kick although that's fading. I had been trying to eat oatmeal for breakfast but it makes me gag now. So gross. All my frozen kit-kat bars are gone. Hov ate them all. There were 12 to begin with and I had one. ONE. Then he had the nerve to get "mad" at me for bringing it into the house. He better watch out before something bad happens to him... And he better replace my kit-kats. Also, I discovered Luigi's frozen ice (mango flavor) and it's absolute heaven. All things mango are still on the menu. UPDATE: I bought 12 more kit-kats, any guesses on how many I'll actually get from this stash?

This week the baby is supposed to be the size of a lemon. I'm not sure how we went from peach to lemon because to me a peach is bigger but what do I know. I have my next visit on the 10th but there isn't an ultrasound so I guess we won't know if the baby is back on track (growth wise) since we changed the due date until the October visit where they do the big ultrasound. Based on my growth, I would say yes but that could be all the food I'm eating. I weighed myself today and I still haven't really gained any weight but I guess things are just rearranging themselves. We'll see what the doctor has to say next week.

Ending on a super positive note- the bleeding has officially 100% stopped. It only took a month but at least it's over. We are so thankful for that. The doctors swear by "pelvic rest" and would probably have me on that for the duration of my pregnancy but so far being gentle with the pelvis has been good enough.